[MUSIC PLAYING] Welcome to Expanding Your Faith, a podcast that tackles modern day issues with a focus on spirituality, with Bishop Greer Godsey, Reverend Mark Trim, and Bishop Ben Williams. Thanks for listening. Take a breath, open your heart, and let's expand your faith together. [MUSIC PLAYING]
Hello, everyone, and welcome to this edition of Expanding Your Faith. I'm Bishop Greer, and joining me tonight is Reverend Mark. Greetings, everybody. And Bishop Men. Hello. Greetings, and blessings to all. So tonight, we're going to be talking about church sign theology. Before we do, I want to remind everyone that if you'd like to listen to past episodes of our podcast, you can do so at podcast.myos.social, applepodcast, or wherever you get your podcast from.
This is going to be a fun episode, I hope. All of us have driven by church signs at some point or another and gone, oh, my goodness, what were they thinking? And of course, sometimes we drive by them and go, that's terrible theology. Well, tonight, we're going to roast some of the funniest and strangest church signs we've seen and have real short conversations about what actually makes good versus bad public theology. So a church sign may be the only sermon a stranger to read like gets
to hear from that congregation. And eight words of public theology do carry real weight. And there are some good church signs out there that I've seen in my time and go, oh, that's clever. So don't want you to think that all church signs are hokey and bad, but they're not. Some of them are really good at church signs. So hopefully you're going to get a good little taste of that here as we get started.
Reverend Mark has picked some doozies. I got a few every so often. Reverend Mark will do instead of a joke before a sermon. He'll read their bulletin bloopers or church signs for us. And there are some bloopers are my favorite, but the church signs are pretty good. They are absolutely. So I want to share a couple that I came across today as I was looking to get my thoughts together for this episode.
I'll share a couple of starters off. One sign said, scatter your seed and watch your harvest grow. Yeah, that doesn't quite play depending on your audience. You led with that one. Yes, I figured that one would be a good one to start off with. Now, to give you an idea of a decent one, this one says too hot to keep changing signs. Sin bad, Jesus good, details inside. There you go. This is the way they invented.
digital signs where you can use the keyboard to do from the office. Right. And then this one, I'll real quick point out, says attention, trespassers will be baptized. Frequent trespassers will be sent away on mission. That's a good one to have for any church. So what are a couple of the ones that you found, Reverend Mark? Well, I won't be able to top that first one, but I'll read a couple of good ones. And then one that's actually legit good.
This tweet others as you wish to be tweeted tweet others. With all this rain, we need an arc. Fear not. Wait for it. We know a guy. Oh my goodness. I'm church dad did that one right there. Fall for Jesus. He never leaves. It being Christian means not hating. We know it makes football season hard. That is very true.
And one that's actually pretty good that I like it says, Lord, help us to be the people our dogs think we are. I like that one. I do like that. That's a pretty good one. That's one of my yelled it pretty good on that one. Right. And most of these are corny, but they don't really have any bad theology to them necessarily. So they're not doing any theological damage. They're just corny. And sometimes puns like that are hosted.
stakes. But we're going to get to some ones that are biologically a little off in a few minutes. But I did want to give you a couple that more that I came across CH. What's missing? You are. I've seen that one. That's a rough one. This one's pretty good warning. Exposure to the sun may prevent burning. That's so in. All right.
That's not too bad. This one I think we have an all agree on. This one says, I wish Noah had swatted those two mosquitoes. Amen to that one. Right. 100% of that one. Let's see. This one you've said a few times from the pulpit in your signs. Joe, don't let worries kill you. Let the church help. Yeah. I've seen that one on the bullets.
and and a sign. Yes. Absolutely. This one was kind of fun. I thought this one was kind of nice. It's a faith is like Wi-Fi. It's invisible, but it has the power to connect you to what you need. That's a good one. That's a really good one. Good. Good message. Sinked. This one's kind of on point, I think, too. It says the fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic.
numbers. Lord, I found this one. You'll probably appreciate this one. It's OK to fall apart. Tacos do it all the time, and we still love them. Right. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case, too. Oh, my. Looking for a lifeguard. Ours walks on water. Oh, my. Oh, it says America, the donkey and elephant won't help.
We must turn back to the lamb. Well, there you go. That's kind of cute. Don't be so open-minded. Your brains will fall out. Oh, my. Let's see. What happens in Vegas stays here. There you go. Sorry. What happens in Vegas is forgiven here, I guess. There you go. Only works, though, if the church is actually in and around Vegas. I don't know why this was on a church. I pulled this one because it was so weird. It's not.
theology or anything like that. It says a paper cut, a tree's final moment of revenge. Right. That makes sense. I shared this one last week. Whoever stole our AC units, keep one. It is hot where you're going. There you go. My favorite tend to be the seasonal signs. I know these are terrible bad puns, but this one sticks out at me every year. Lent is coming.
Ash is here. The other one that I've seen is get your ash to church on Ash Wednesday. This one's funny. It says try our new pumpkin-spiced sermons. Not really, but stop in. We don't bite. I need to use that one. I like some pumpkin spice. We're getting close to that time of year. I feel it. That's right. Another good one. Just love everyone. I'll sort them out later. God.
That is a good one. Helena says, I'm sure you've already seen this one. Church sign in the US. It says God accepts spiritual fruits, not religious nuts. Yeah, that's a good one. That's very true. It's very true. Here's a dad one for you. Dad joke. God's garden. Let us be kind. Squash gossip and turnip for church. Oh my. That's pretty rough.
Choose the bread of life or your toast. Well, there you go. This church sign said under same management for 2000 years. There you go. Yes indeed. I don't know that I can read this one, but I can't read it. No, I can't share it later. I can't read it. I don't know why I put that in my list. God didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come pretty close. Ash. Right up there.
Right to the top. Some signs stray off of the funny to ones that are theologically off. Beer-based hellfire signs, prosperity, adjacent messaging, or signs that accidentally say something heretical due to bad grammar, or portal editor planning. One of them, I'm going to go ahead and read this one. It's probably pretty close to the one you are going to read as soon as I find it again. And it says,
well, I lost it here. Well, this one does happy Easter to our Christian friends. Happy Passover to our Jewish friends to our atheist friends. Good luck. That's theologically off there. And then I'm trying to find the other one that I saw a minute ago. One that always has cringed me is the one that will say, don't make me come down there. God. Right. And to me, it's putting forth the wrong message and it's understanding
understand some of what they're trying to do. But the whole idea is that God dwells within us and God's inside of us. And we want God to manifest whether we're remembering scriptures that teach us how to live or filling that gentle nudge towards living like Christ. We want the understanding that God resides within us, especially by the Spirit. Right. This one says, forgiveness is to swallow when you want to
spit. Well, you're on it tonight. That is not the theology you want to be putting out there. You're really on some of these tonight. Right. It's just I. And this one says, the best gift a mother ever gave was on her knees. Well, I'm going to read some funnies. Walmart is not the only saving place. Right. Go ahead. There was this one sign that the church put showing where their parking was.
And it says church parking only violators will be baptized. There you go. Wrinkled with burdens. Come to church for a faith lift. There you go. And this one says, I hate this church sign Satan. That's not the best theology in the world. Don't criticize your spouse's judgment. See whom they married. Yeah, there you go. A lot of spouses agree with that one. Jesus is coming.
Looked busy. That one cringes me every time. Yes, indeed. I think it's terrible theology. And yes, God wants us busy. Yes, God wants us doing that, which is gracious. But just to act like you're busy versus being is two different things. Right. This one was at a church of Christ. It said marriage good, but unwise. I think there are
two people there that had some struggles. Forgive your. Sorry. Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads. There you go. And I pray that this is never on our sign. Having trouble sleeping. Try one of our sermons. There you go. That won't be on our sign. But yes, this one says we love hurting people. We've been there. That one's phrased a little better than how I've seen them
written before, right? Bishop sent me some dueling church signs. So these are dueling church signs between a Catholic church and a Presbyterian church. Nice. The Catholic church says all dogs go to heaven. Presbyterian church says only humans go to heaven. Read the Bible. Catholic church signs say God loves all his creatures. Dogs included. The Presbyterian church says dogs don't have souls. This is not open for debate.
Catholic church said Catholic dogs go to heaven. Presbyterian dogs can talk to their pastor. Presbyterian church responded. Converting to Catholicism does not magically grant your dog a soul. And then the Catholic church would have a sign that says free dog souls with conversion. And the Presbyterian church put up the sign that said dogs are animals. There aren't any rocks in heaven either. And then the Catholic church. Their final sign was all rock.
dogs go to heaven. I've never heard of dueling churches. The church signs. I've heard of some businesses that'll duel right McDonald's and play got into it. One time McDonald's said, Hey, we're open on Sunday. Chick-fil-A responded. But our ice cream machine works. Right. I've seen a couple of dueling churches before. That's that's been a thing. This Lutheran church changes the requirements to Christianity and their church sign.
says Christianity is not complicated. Love your neighbor. Follow us on Facebook. Don't remember that being part of what Jesus said. Maybe it was in there. And I just tossed it out before. Right. Holy water car wash will wash the hell out of your car. Oh, no. What happens when you die? Come and find out Sundays at 10. Lord have mercy. It's Baptist church full of a sign that says I don't care.
Do whatever you want is a whole new meaning to reverse psychology and church signs. This Baptist church through one up. It said wanted singers underneath that. It says in choir within. Oh, no, or choir. This one says bring your sin to the altar and drop it like it's hot. This one says you cannot spell Christmas without Christ. Yeah, Christmas. I like this one.
Mary is not the only place to find your father. I know. I pay for GPS because Jesus gives directions for free. Bishop Ben sent me another church, a United Church of Christ sign. Best sausage, supper in St. Louis. Come and eat Pastor Thomas Riesler. That's the one I was skipping. Bishop just went ahead and put it out there. I see that. Y'all know this one. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Church shopping. We're open on Sundays. There you go. Oh, Lord. This one says body piercings saved our soul. I don't know what to say to that one. Seven days without prayer makes one week. There you go. That's actually decent. You think it's hot here? Revelations 2015. Oh, my Lord. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
There you go. A Roman Catholic. I think perfect in church is dressing up for an X-ray. That's actually a pretty cool sign, I thought. That's a good one. Hipster Jesus loved you before you were cool. This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it's going to pass. There you go. Life advice. I don't care who you are. This one has Leslie Nielsen on the church sign. It says surely the Lord has done great things.
His picture says he has and don't call him surely. Classic. That's such a good movie. Some people forget how to pray until the cop makes a U-turn. That's right. So my best friend has been in those moments. Oh, no. This one says religion may be the opiate of the masses. Sometimes you need a good hit. That one only works well in Kentucky.
Baptist Church says not Bud Light. I swear that somebody came up with all of the set a bunch of people down and said let's come up with a much church sign stuff. Right. Tell a book because you go to a lot of places and you see some of the same stuff and you're like they just drive around and copy each other or they pull it from a book. Right.
And some of them are just so corny. They're so bad. They're bad jokes would be better. Right. This one says have you ever heard of Darth Jesus? That's it. Have you ever heard of Darth Jesus? So we've given you some kind of weird and some theologically bad signs. And there have been quite a few that I have passed over the years thinking oh, this is terrible.
theology. There's a real difference between a funny church sign and one that is condemning and abusive. And we've all seen those. Especially we're events like Augusta Pride. People drag out signs that say all kinds of horrible and mean things aimed at the LGBT community. And that can be very damaging to people. And
some of them think they're being clever. Westboro Baptist Church for a long while was creating music videos spoofing some of the most popular pop songs to sing their message of absolute hate for people they viewed as less than. And that is damaging. It's not helpful at all. Particularly when they would show up at various funerals there for a while they were taking the circuit with some
regularity with service individuals who had passed for some reason they had it in their crawl with them. Of course queer individuals have passed. They'll show up sometimes there if they know about them. And then in the combination particularly with pride you have the signs that will be sitting there. Of course Santa's flash prominently on some of the signs and God created Adam and Eve not Adam and or not Adam and Steve and all
that stuff. And you're plastering the name Christ on it. And my question to individuals like that is when's the last time you went and picketed a place that raises pigs? Right. Because if you're going to stick to the letter of the law, pork is an absolute no-no in the Old Testament writings. Or when's the last time you went and picketed a place that
leaves multiple fabrics? That's a big no-no. When's the last time that's in the Old Testament? When's the last time you went? Here's a good one for you. No one's probably ever said this and you probably hadn't heard this one. When's the last time you went and picketed a place that creates toilets? Right. Because the Bible tells us we're supposed to go dig holes in our outside of where we live and go to the bathroom there. That's in the Old Testament. Right. And of course the answer to that is they've never done that because it's
selective of what they want to deem as not "cryptural" or something that they view is quote-unquote sinful. And there's so many things that are on display in front of us now that Jesus condemns and Jesus preached against. And so I really have no patience for that type of showboating. And that's just what it is. I know that's a different type of
sign that we're talking about. But particularly in the Westboro, that has done so much damage to people. That's right. Particularly people that are grieving. I never have understood the grieving part. Going over there and protesting funerals. Never have understood that. Absolutely crazy. And that's why we have to be very careful about what we say. And especially on our church signs. But there are some really good ones coming as you are, leave different.
If you think meekness is weakness, try being meek for a week. That is both funny and to the point. Because a lot of times I don't think God is up there. Never laughs and ever smiles. I don't think God created us with a laughter and a sense of humor for us to live a boring life. There's plenty of things that we can look at. I believe God. The Bible tells us the joy of the Lord is our strength. It's all right to be joyful.
It's all right to be happy. And to step back and make a funny out of our spiritual journey, I think helps the efforts. I think it moves us along. Right. I agree. This one says exercise daily. Walk with the Lord. So there are good signs out there too. And they can be funny and good at the same time.
And so let's look at what makes some good public theology. A church sign may be the only sermon a stranger ever hears from your church. So what actually makes a good one? Anybody have any thoughts on that? I think as quick as you can get to the point and saying that this is a place of maybe healing. It's a place that is open. Not just welcoming because people will welcome your money. People will welcome your
but in their pew so they can count and have you on the roll and in the numbers, churches like that. That's a big thing for churches. We've got that. A lot of churches have that corporate mentality now, especially in America. Other church across the world and places that are doing some in the trenches, if you will, ministry. They're not interested in that. They're interested in touching the person's heart that God sets before him.
that day, whether it's one person or five. Right. But a church sign that is to the point that they know whoever reads it knows that as they walk in that door, something different is going to happen than the traditional preaching on who's out versus who's in. Right. And that type of preaching, that type of mentality just does not bring folks in.
I believe in living a life that's discipled by Jesus. I don't believe that it's just a free for all. Otherwise, the disciples wouldn't have been called the disciples or nothing. But it's wrapping our heads around those teachings and examples that Jesus showed and demonstrated and spoke to us about through Scripture and trying to grow into that instead of trying to step back and say, you're out. No, you're in.
As you're the right skin color, you have the right amount of money in the bank. You have the right car law. And it's difficult to get that over because a lot of people, the minute they see a church building, forget the signs, the minutes they see a building, their trauma comes back because they've been abused growing up. Right. And it's important too to remember. Also, is this something that
sounds like something Jesus would say. There's that. Or is it just written by a committee trying to be clever? More often it's that part. Right. And Jesus said so many things in the Bible, it can be easily compressed down and put on a church sign. And so, especially now with digital church signs, the way they are. And so we don't have to be coming up with funny and clever things.
We can just put small snippet of what Jesus said onto a church sign and let that be the message. Right. And again, conveying love versus conveying the year out, but we're in. Hurry come to this place because we're special. Right. We have all the answers. The church should be a haven for questions. The church should be a place to where folks
can explore safely that which they don't understand, bringing their trauma, bringing their hurt and their hurts because we all act like that when we come to church that we're perfectly healed and there's nothing wrong with us. And that's not the case for me. I need as much Jesus as I can get. I need as much strength as I can have from the spirit. And a lot of times that strength comes from
someone who's struggling like me, but has maybe found a way to walk instead of run. Maybe someone has finally learned how to crawl instead of just lay still, but they're slowly finding a way. And so I think that it's important for us to know that. And that's one reason that in our churches, we have a place called sanctuary and we have so missed what the intent of the sanctuary is supposed to be. It's supposed to be a place of safety for us to be our
ourselves, to be authentic, to say we don't understand, but we're here to learn or here to at least weed out what's not right. Absolutely. And we certainly don't want people to feel as though they're immediately being accused or attacked, marginalized before they even step foot in the door. Like we said at the beginning, sometimes that church sign is the only time that church gets to make an impression upon someone.
You are giving them a message that makes them feel excluded before they ever get to the door. They're not going to step foot into your church. I grew up, as I'm sure many people did, I grew up with folks that, I mean, man, when they were highlighting and landing on that, got to do it our way, got to live the way we're preaching right now, it was said oftentimes with a lot of anger. It was said oftentimes
with a lot of aggression behind it. And I've been in churches where the pastors will call folks out and say, if you don't follow what I'm saying, you're going to die. Literally, you're going to die. You got to listen to what I'm saying. And while I believe that ministers can be spokespeople for the divine, I am trying to point people to Jesus, not convince everybody that I'm the third coming of Christ into the earth.
I may miss it. I'm human. I have all days. It doesn't mean that I'm not empowered to lead, but it does mean that I should be developing within somebody and the listeners that desire to hear what I'm pastor saying. Yes, honor the office, but also ask God say, hey, does this belong to me in my heart? Is this something I need to hear right now? Is this for my journey?
Or maybe with that was said for the benefit of somebody else and not to say that when we're sitting in services, we should think that everything that said is for everybody else, but that's where perfect and we're Jesus, Jr. Right. But to step back and say, is that for me? Is that something that I need? And that's good. I look at church services like a buffet. Some of the music will be for a few people. This other song will be for another group.
Of course, I like to think my sermons are for everybody, but the sermon will be for this group. The prayer will be for this other group and everybody gets a little bit of something throughout the service. And that's the goal is that everybody can get something. It's absolutely correct. Well, as we move towards the end, I want to read a couple of more in this out on a light note. This one says, do you know what hell is? I want to hear our preacher.
Not directed at anybody. Lord, that one better not find his way to the bulletin this Sunday. This one says, I don't know why some people change churches. What difference does it make? Which one you stay home from? Oh, my Lord. All right. Here we go. Easter comes once a year. How often do you? Oh, no, no. This one says Jesus is coming. Look busy. Stop dropping roll. Won't work in hell. There you go.
No, here's one. Don't let worries kill you. Let the church help. That's right. Absolutely. This heat wave is temporary. You certainly don't want to face an eternal one. Just here's a great sign of cringe and people not a loose tongue often gets into tight places. Oh, no, no. Come on, y'all. Let's see. The 10 commandments are not multiple choice. Pray for a good harvest.
But keep on hoeing. Oh, no. Come on, y'all. Come on, y'all. I mean, you could have said, keep tilling. Right. Keep gardening. That's right. You did not have to go there. Free fire insurance details inside. This is one of my favorites. I've seen it recently. It says Jesus had two dads and he turned out just fine. That's right. That's a good one. You're on heaven's most wanted list.
That doesn't quite ring in all circles. This one says Jesus is divine. We are debranches. This has to be in a superimposed on a church sign. I can't believe that a church put this on there. It says he who forts in church sits in on pew. Oh, no. Before there was Twitter, there were church signs.
That is funny. Well, folks, we are just about to our end of this podcast. And I want to recap that some signs we've given tonight are just harmless puns. Some are bad. Theology dressed up as clever. Some get the gospel exactly right in just a few words. If you're the ones putting up the letters on your church signs this week, ask whether it would make a hurting stranger feel welcome or make them keep driving.
Feel free to send your own best or worst church sign sightings for possible reoccurring segments. And you can always reach out to Bishop God see at myocci.org. If you have a thought or an idea for the podcast. And as always, the archive is available at podcasts.myocci.social on Apple podcast or wherever you find your podcast.
I want to thank Reverend Mark for being here with us tonight. Thanks for hosting us, Bishop. And Bishop, thank you for being here. And I hope that you all will join us again next Saturday night at eight p.m. Eastern time at una.com/bishopreg or at TikTok at expanding your faith. Until next time, when we once again work to expand your faith, keep shining bright, my friends.
Thanks for spending this time with us on expanding your faith. If today's conversation encouraged you, share the episode. It helps more people find the show. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. And you can also find us online at podcasts.myocci.social. And our St. Francis.org. Follow us on Facebook at expanding your faith. Our producer is Bishop Ben Williams.
and outreach in Augusta, Georgia. Produced in cooperation with the Metropolitan Community Church of our Redeemer in Augusta, Georgia. Until next time, keep expanding your faith.